Doubt.

Here it is…it was a chilly night. The count was 3-2, it’s the bottom of the eighth inning and we are down by 1 point. The pitcher throws and it is perfect, it’s almost in slow motion right down the middle….but I hesitated. In a split second the ball flies by and it’s a strike…I didn’t swing. I struck out. We ended up losing the game….did I mention the bases were loaded? Uhh yeah…I was about 12yrs old.
You can imagine the brain trip in my 12 yr old head…It was bad and I was confused. What happened? Why didn’t I swing? Why did I choke?
Doubt. I doubted myself and that’s all it took.
See today, there are moments that are like being up to bat and feeling the weight of the pressure and all I have to do is doubt again….and I miss the “swing.” It could be a hundred different scenarios but a few days ago, I doubted myself again…. Again the head trip was bad..
You see, I began to question everything, everything…around me, close to me and just me… My thoughts were just scattered leading to some serious confusion!! What am I so afraid of that leads to this doubt? I’ve asked God to stretch me and challenge me for growth. Christ gives me these moments to make the choice. The choice that I’m supposed to make when the opportunity is there, I just need to accept it, without doubt.

James1:6-8 “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.”

A wave at sea? Unsettled and restless….that would be me. I was being tossed around in my questioning. But something remained that I completely pushed aside…my faith. I know not to doubt that!!! Then why don’t I rely on that…on Him. What else could be less confusing then having a rock like that. Don’t want to be tossed around anymore, don’t want to question anymore, don’t want to doubt anymore…just want to make the right choice he prepared for me.
So now I’m praying for strength, wisdom and courage again…that my choice reflects that and not me. What’s in me is false. What’s in Him is true. So I pray for another opportunity to not limit myself in just what I know. To move past the lie and the confusion..and to just know to unlimit myself through Him.
My God, give me your strength and wisdom to get back in the batters box…..set my feet..…keep my eye on the ball……and swing.