Friday, January 30, 2009

The struggle within...


This tattoo reminded me of a story from India I wont soon forget...


A boy had told someone that he constantly had nightmares of two wolves fighting...
One was bad and other was good...and they were fighting to keep him...
The strongest one would win...
The boy then asked...which one will win?
He was afraid the bad wolf would win and take him away...
They calmly told him, "the one you feed the most."


I have to remind myself to keep feeding the good one too...not just myself... :)



Friday, January 16, 2009

Doubt.

Here it is…it was a chilly night. The count was 3-2, it’s the bottom of the eighth inning and we are down by 1 point. The pitcher throws and it is perfect, it’s almost in slow motion right down the middle….but I hesitated. In a split second the ball flies by and it’s a strike…I didn’t swing. I struck out. We ended up losing the game….did I mention the bases were loaded? Uhh yeah…I was about 12yrs old.
You can imagine the brain trip in my 12 yr old head…It was bad and I was confused. What happened? Why didn’t I swing? Why did I choke?
Doubt. I doubted myself and that’s all it took.
See today, there are moments that are like being up to bat and feeling the weight of the pressure and all I have to do is doubt again….and I miss the “swing.” It could be a hundred different scenarios but a few days ago, I doubted myself again…. Again the head trip was bad..
You see, I began to question everything, everything…around me, close to me and just me… My thoughts were just scattered leading to some serious confusion!! What am I so afraid of that leads to this doubt? I’ve asked God to stretch me and challenge me for growth. Christ gives me these moments to make the choice. The choice that I’m supposed to make when the opportunity is there, I just need to accept it, without doubt.

James1:6-8 “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.”

A wave at sea? Unsettled and restless….that would be me. I was being tossed around in my questioning. But something remained that I completely pushed aside…my faith. I know not to doubt that!!! Then why don’t I rely on that…on Him. What else could be less confusing then having a rock like that. Don’t want to be tossed around anymore, don’t want to question anymore, don’t want to doubt anymore…just want to make the right choice he prepared for me.
So now I’m praying for strength, wisdom and courage again…that my choice reflects that and not me. What’s in me is false. What’s in Him is true. So I pray for another opportunity to not limit myself in just what I know. To move past the lie and the confusion..and to just know to unlimit myself through Him.
My God, give me your strength and wisdom to get back in the batters box…..set my feet..…keep my eye on the ball……and swing.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Long Beach Rescue Mission....

Friday nights message at the mission was about being thankful. It was pretty cool to hear Gene's testimony and experiences from Vietman and about being "touched" by angels in the worst of moments. He questioned his own mortality in varies situations and asked why was he lived through some of these moments. I know alot of the guys sitting there could really relate to some of those experiences. Thank you Gene!
The message of thankfulness was given by Richie. I've heard Richie give a message in India but he blew me away on Friday with his message on being thankful. He started out talking about what we generally think are things to be thankful for like our family, our homes, but quickly made the point to the audience that these things are just material and that there is something greater to be thankful for.
1. Thankful for and it's okay to be "weak." "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
- 2 CORINTHIANS 12:9
The best part about this is that we often feel weak. Life comes at us hard and unexpected, I (we) feel weak, we can't carry some of this stuff all the time, we just can't, believe me I've tried! The last time I checked the self help industry is a multi million dollar machine. Does it satisfy? Maybe for a little bit but it never lasts, so we just bury this stuff. When it creeps up we just push it back down, never letting it go. No matter what the "outside" says, inside we're a mess! God is our strength.
2. Thankful that He cares. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 2PETER5:7
Religion by itself is a belief with no power. Having a personal relationship with God is when His power becomes your strength. Who else knows you better? He's been with us through every step even when we don't want Him. He'll carry our worries because we know he cares.
3. Thankful I'm forgiven. " If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." - 1 JOHN 1:9
Thats a tough one. Forgiven? I can't seem to forgive myself on so many levels, but He has already forgiven me. Jesus died not for the righteous but the unrighteous, they didn't take his life, he gave it as a sacrifice, to take our place, to carry our sins so that we may be forgiven. It's definetly not to say we will never sin again, but He's forgiven us for things we've done and things we're going to do. We still need to recognize our tendencies to sin and rely on His power to overcome it.
4. Thankful He will never leave me. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - DEUTERONOMY 31:6
Never leave me or forsake me. If one thing I do know for sure is that people leave. People I've loved and still love are no longer in my life. Through whatever circumstances I've felt the pain of being left or separated from relationships. It sucks. I'll leave that there for now. :(
5. Thankful he loves me/us. " But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - ROMANS 5:8
Jesus died for us not because we were good enough, but because He loved us. For a time in my life, I didn't even want God, but He wanted me. I pushed Him away and He waited. I fought Him and He never fought back, He just loved back. How could I not be thankful for this kind of love?
Gene, Richie, you guys were great! Paul thanks for playing guitar with me, we have to get together again! It was a fun night. For anyone interested in serving at the LBRM, let me know good things always come out of it..I am truly thankful for what God has given me/us.

Praise you in this storm....

I was sure by now
that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away
stepped in and saved the day
but once again...I say "Amen"...and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
...and takes away

I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
how can I carry on
If I can't find You?

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth...

-Casting Crowns

Monday, November 17, 2008

Kids gone silly!?

Thank you so much to Rick and Dawn Bambrick. We can't thank you enough for the great time at Thousand Trails. The kids had a great time and this is the proof... more pictures to come.